Smile Again (July 2014)

I wish I didn't have these scars on my arm,

I wish I would have had an outlet beside self harm. 

Writing for me was not always enough,

And at 15 it's hard to always act tough.

I knew it was wrong and not healthy for me,

I was 15 when I started and hope I didn't see.

I felt angry, sad, depressed and alone,

So many things I wish I would have known.

I am not afraid to shed light on my past,

It's about time I start removing that cast.

Not looking for sympathy, not playing a victim,

To help someone stop is my only ambition.

I was ashamed for way too long,

Wanting to fit in and somehow belong.

Wanted the pain to stop, wanted to be ok,

To sleep in peace at the end of the day.

At 15 my world was cluttered,

It was filled with things that would have made you shutter.

At 16 things for me seemed to get worse,

I felt like my life was a sudden curse.

17 was the year to survive,

Thinking 18 was the year I would thrive.

So many things I never realized,

Like what I did would be hard to disguise.

Scars are hard to hide and pain can easily be seen,

My soul was dirty but my life was clean.

I thought I could mask it, and make it disappear,

Until I saw the light and could see things clear.

There's no reason to hide,

All those times I never should have lied.

Everyone struggles, I was never alone,

With others who suffered I could have grown.

But things have changed, I'm not the same,

No longer stuck in the lies of that game.

I'm not scared to let people know,

Because through my struggle I've learned to grow.

If someone's hurting I hope they know,

There's no need to hide or put on a show.

People care, you are not alone,

Send a message or pick up the phone.

Don't be scared, don't tuck it away,

Happiness can be found at the end of the day.

God made you beautiful, no matter what size,

Big, little, short or tall, and any mistakes, God is not surprised.

He made you, He loves you, He truly cares,

He rushes to you in your time of despair.

He will put you back together, just like He did with me,

His love and grace will set you free.

You won't be afraid, you can smile again,

Gods' love will take you where you've never been!