Smile Again (July 2014)

I wish I didn't have these scars on my arm,

I wish I would have had an outlet beside self harm. 

Writing for me was not always enough,

And at 15 it's hard to always act tough.

I knew it was wrong and not healthy for me,

I was 15 when I started and hope I didn't see.

I felt angry, sad, depressed and alone,

So many things I wish I would have known.

I am not afraid to shed light on my past,

It's about time I start removing that cast.

Not looking for sympathy, not playing a victim,

To help someone stop is my only ambition.

I was ashamed for way too long,

Wanting to fit in and somehow belong.

Wanted the pain to stop, wanted to be ok,

To sleep in peace at the end of the day.

At 15 my world was cluttered,

It was filled with things that would have made you shutter.

At 16 things for me seemed to get worse,

I felt like my life was a sudden curse.

17 was the year to survive,

Thinking 18 was the year I would thrive.

So many things I never realized,

Like what I did would be hard to disguise.

Scars are hard to hide and pain can easily be seen,

My soul was dirty but my life was clean.

I thought I could mask it, and make it disappear,

Until I saw the light and could see things clear.

There's no reason to hide,

All those times I never should have lied.

Everyone struggles, I was never alone,

With others who suffered I could have grown.

But things have changed, I'm not the same,

No longer stuck in the lies of that game.

I'm not scared to let people know,

Because through my struggle I've learned to grow.

If someone's hurting I hope they know,

There's no need to hide or put on a show.

People care, you are not alone,

Send a message or pick up the phone.

Don't be scared, don't tuck it away,

Happiness can be found at the end of the day.

God made you beautiful, no matter what size,

Big, little, short or tall, and any mistakes, God is not surprised.

He made you, He loves you, He truly cares,

He rushes to you in your time of despair.

He will put you back together, just like He did with me,

His love and grace will set you free.

You won't be afraid, you can smile again,

Gods' love will take you where you've never been!

Draw Your Lines

Right by your side they'll always be,

But during the storm they tend to flee. 

Faithfulness is hard to find,

And loyalty is one of a kind.

Set your boundaries and draw your lines,
Remember the hurt and beware of the signs.
Fake people are very much real,
If only your attention, don't let them steal.
Life is too short for those who don't care at all,
They will be right by your side until you fall.
Be careful who you allow to be homies,
You'd be surprised at all the phonies.
Don't think twice about saying no,
Don't think twice about making them go.
This is your life & you've got your own to hold down,
Don't settle for feet that aren't planted on the ground.
People come and people go,
Always will, like winters snow.
Be real and you will know real,
You will know how faithfulness feels.

 

 

I am OK

I told that little girl it was okay, 

and that she didn't have to be afraid anymore. 

I told her not worry, she is not alone,

 that she will never have to do, what she did before. 

Told her not to hide, told her it was okay to cry,

That she was special, & unique just like the sky. 

Told her many times not to end her life,

 I told her she would survive. If only she, put down the knife. 

The little girl is okay today,

she found her own way out.

Through tears and fighting,

she made a way. 

She survived,

 just like I knew deep down that she would. 

She is okay now. 

She fought her demons and she's learning to love.

 Not only others but also herself. 

The little girl found out a lot of things,

 finally able to spread her wings.

 One more bit of advice I have her, 

was to use her voice and not be afraid,

 it wasn't her fault, 

so stop blaming herself. 

one more thing I realized, 

was I held the key. 

That little girl I was talking to, happened to be me.

I needed you.

As I rub my eyes to clear the blur, 

I suddenly see you, and the way things were.
I feel your shadow near, even though the sun is long gone.
I hear you beg for music, but life is not done with this song.
Your soul is much alive yet your body is near the floor,
aching in your heart yet always yearning for more.
Contentment is long gone, it found its' own place,
scared of change so remaining still, just in case.
Always saying "it's funny how people change",
 knowing I, too, am "people", my how strange.
Nothing sets me apart, nothing makes me better,
but compared to you, I thought I was better!
How dare I even be compared at all,
you're so low to me, I've made my call.
The blade has been my home for too long,
feeling as if that is where I belong.
But I knew all along, my vision was clear,
 what I need now, is seldom near.
Feeling inside as if you're a mistake,
is a sadness that is hard to ever shake.
But one day I will, and then I will smile,
knowing my soul is one in few, who survived the extra mile.
I hope I see you that day, I want you to feel my joy,
soak up my energy and beg for more.
Life will never be the same, and then I will know,
That after all, you made my heart glow. <3