Welcome to my mind

Please be advised, nothing is disguised..

 01/19/15

This is me, this is my mind,
this is me trying to withstand time.
It may look sorta' cluttered, it may look kinda' messy, ...
It's kinda' like a nightmare, but filled with confetti!
Be careful if you enter, for then you may see,
I am fragile like a feather, yet strong like a tree.
You are invited inside, I'd like you to visit,
but don't run away when you find me elicit.
To me art is everything, and everything is art,
It never starts with a product, it starts with a heart.
If you make it though the dark side, promise me this;
you will say you saw nothing but dysfunctional bliss.
The flowers were brighter although they were square,
My thoughts were beautiful although they were bare.
My innocence had never left, even though it was cleft.
The skies were clear & the sun was shining,
tell them we took our trip on a silver lining.
Tell them you saw love and peace, and the whole time nothing ceased.
Tell them you saw loyalty, tell them you saw trust,
tell them you saw me, trying to adjust.
Don't tell them what was there, Don't tell them what was seen,
That was just a glimpse of my normal routine.
Nothing special and nothing new,
nothing I haven't already been through!
Come with me, your visit is over,
see what I did there? You were my shoulder.
There when I needed you and we both survived,
We made it out fine, now more than ever, both very much alive.
You knew this would happen, but I've changed my mind,
I need you to come back & be a part of my rhyme <3


https://www.facebook.com/EriiKegii14

Keep Pushing along!

Sometimes I feel like I am in a prison, 

this life I live is not what I visioned. 

What happened to happiness, contentment and peace?

I feel like I'm renting and my life is the lease. 

I pictured my life to get so much better, 

I wouldn't get sad, hateful or bitter. 

My family is awesome and always there, 

my friends are the best and their love I share. 

But what happens when the smiles go away?

When you're all alone at the end of the day?

When you cry and cry and nobody hears, 

it feels in your heart, like a million spears. 

your heart is shattered, 

your feelings are scattered, 

you sit in your room all alone, 

none of your friends to answer their phones. 

But one day you will be OK, 

one day you will be able to say;

I made it through all the pain, 

I made it through the days of rain!

I pulled through and I kept the faith, 

and the bitterness I had, is gone. 

But what doesn't go away is all the scars, 

all the nights, wishing on stars. 

No one said life was easy, 

no one said it wouldn't get sleezy. 

But non of that matters, it's part of the climb, 

when life throws you a lemon, trade it for a lime!

No matter how you feel, someone feels worse, 

Every now and again, someone feels cursed. 

You've just got to smile, 

Do something nice and go the extra mile,

learn from your mistakes, 

stay clear of the fakes, 

let the good times make you smile, 

let the bad times make you strong, 

and KEEP PUSHING ALONG! 

2014. Was it actually the worst year?

Lately on Facebook I have been seeing people share photos about how 2014 was by far the worst year, and I wonder why they think that?

I could be saying that too, considering my husband and I were homeless for 2 months last winter. 

Right around the time all my 'friends' got their thousands worth of taxes and not a single one of them helped or even offered. 

Made me feel sad and depressed, considering every chance we get we help as much as we can. 

Whether it be groceries, bills, gas, whatever, we are always there. 

At that time I did think 2014 was by far the worst year yet. And sometimes I just take a breath and thank God it's over. 

But then I make myself question why? Why do I think 2014 was so horrible?

Is it because while my husband and I were down and out I saw the true colors of those around me?

I found out who my friends were, and more importantly who my friends were not?

Is it because I made it through some horrible emotional issues and forgave those who have hurt me in the past?

Or maybe it's because I realized first and foremost what an amazing Family I have. 

Maybe it was such a horrible year because I got married to a man who loves me to death and would literally take a bullet for me?

But then I thought maybe it's because I learned how to set priorities and stick to them, which is return changed my life. 

Maybe it was so bad because we prayed and prayed for a good paying job for my husband and he found one. 

But it could be because we found a place to rent and have faithfully paid rent ever since? possible, huh?

This has crossed my mind too, that maybe it was the worst year ever because my life finally came together, and I felt whole and complete for once in my life. 

Or because mine and my dads relationship improved about 100%. 

But today I sit here and think, maybe it was the BEST year yet. 

I am only 21, but I am married. my life is somewhat stable, more so than it ever has been, 

and we have a home, food on the table and I know who my true friends are. 

I've learned that most of the friends I still keep in contact with are full of boloney, No matter how many times they claim to be real or want you to be honest with them, they just can't handle it. I am so thankful, so soo thankful I learned all these new things to me, I am so thankful to have a husband and be stable. 2014 was by far the BEST year yet. And I am so thankful for that. 

Don't look at the bad side of things, no matter any one of us have been through, we all came out stronger, more healthy and more wise.

 In my eyes, What could be better?

Smile Again (July 2014)

I wish I didn't have these scars on my arm,

I wish I would have had an outlet beside self harm. 

Writing for me was not always enough,

And at 15 it's hard to always act tough.

I knew it was wrong and not healthy for me,

I was 15 when I started and hope I didn't see.

I felt angry, sad, depressed and alone,

So many things I wish I would have known.

I am not afraid to shed light on my past,

It's about time I start removing that cast.

Not looking for sympathy, not playing a victim,

To help someone stop is my only ambition.

I was ashamed for way too long,

Wanting to fit in and somehow belong.

Wanted the pain to stop, wanted to be ok,

To sleep in peace at the end of the day.

At 15 my world was cluttered,

It was filled with things that would have made you shutter.

At 16 things for me seemed to get worse,

I felt like my life was a sudden curse.

17 was the year to survive,

Thinking 18 was the year I would thrive.

So many things I never realized,

Like what I did would be hard to disguise.

Scars are hard to hide and pain can easily be seen,

My soul was dirty but my life was clean.

I thought I could mask it, and make it disappear,

Until I saw the light and could see things clear.

There's no reason to hide,

All those times I never should have lied.

Everyone struggles, I was never alone,

With others who suffered I could have grown.

But things have changed, I'm not the same,

No longer stuck in the lies of that game.

I'm not scared to let people know,

Because through my struggle I've learned to grow.

If someone's hurting I hope they know,

There's no need to hide or put on a show.

People care, you are not alone,

Send a message or pick up the phone.

Don't be scared, don't tuck it away,

Happiness can be found at the end of the day.

God made you beautiful, no matter what size,

Big, little, short or tall, and any mistakes, God is not surprised.

He made you, He loves you, He truly cares,

He rushes to you in your time of despair.

He will put you back together, just like He did with me,

His love and grace will set you free.

You won't be afraid, you can smile again,

Gods' love will take you where you've never been!

Draw Your Lines

Right by your side they'll always be,

But during the storm they tend to flee. 

Faithfulness is hard to find,

And loyalty is one of a kind.

Set your boundaries and draw your lines,
Remember the hurt and beware of the signs.
Fake people are very much real,
If only your attention, don't let them steal.
Life is too short for those who don't care at all,
They will be right by your side until you fall.
Be careful who you allow to be homies,
You'd be surprised at all the phonies.
Don't think twice about saying no,
Don't think twice about making them go.
This is your life & you've got your own to hold down,
Don't settle for feet that aren't planted on the ground.
People come and people go,
Always will, like winters snow.
Be real and you will know real,
You will know how faithfulness feels.

 

 

I am OK

I told that little girl it was okay, 

and that she didn't have to be afraid anymore. 

I told her not worry, she is not alone,

 that she will never have to do, what she did before. 

Told her not to hide, told her it was okay to cry,

That she was special, & unique just like the sky. 

Told her many times not to end her life,

 I told her she would survive. If only she, put down the knife. 

The little girl is okay today,

she found her own way out.

Through tears and fighting,

she made a way. 

She survived,

 just like I knew deep down that she would. 

She is okay now. 

She fought her demons and she's learning to love.

 Not only others but also herself. 

The little girl found out a lot of things,

 finally able to spread her wings.

 One more bit of advice I have her, 

was to use her voice and not be afraid,

 it wasn't her fault, 

so stop blaming herself. 

one more thing I realized, 

was I held the key. 

That little girl I was talking to, happened to be me.

I needed you.

As I rub my eyes to clear the blur, 

I suddenly see you, and the way things were.
I feel your shadow near, even though the sun is long gone.
I hear you beg for music, but life is not done with this song.
Your soul is much alive yet your body is near the floor,
aching in your heart yet always yearning for more.
Contentment is long gone, it found its' own place,
scared of change so remaining still, just in case.
Always saying "it's funny how people change",
 knowing I, too, am "people", my how strange.
Nothing sets me apart, nothing makes me better,
but compared to you, I thought I was better!
How dare I even be compared at all,
you're so low to me, I've made my call.
The blade has been my home for too long,
feeling as if that is where I belong.
But I knew all along, my vision was clear,
 what I need now, is seldom near.
Feeling inside as if you're a mistake,
is a sadness that is hard to ever shake.
But one day I will, and then I will smile,
knowing my soul is one in few, who survived the extra mile.
I hope I see you that day, I want you to feel my joy,
soak up my energy and beg for more.
Life will never be the same, and then I will know,
That after all, you made my heart glow. <3